Good Food & Better Company

My roommate is a huge fan of Anthony Bourdain. We watched a few of his shows before taking a trip to Paris. We took his advice of not planning too much and just wandering around and enjoying it. I did attempt to make a pilgrimage to visit a shop featured on his show, but it was closed by the time I got there. Still, it felt like I was in his orbit for a few moments!

I was aware of his support of his partner, Asia Argento, and the #MeToo movement. Since his death, I've learned about his deep appreciation of food and culture. His devotion to sharing and communicating that knowledge and love transcended media: from print to television to comic books. He seemed to have a great appreciation of humanity on a grand scale. We needed more of Anthony Bourdain, but I hope everyone who was inspired by him will continue to be open to new experiences and different cultures.

I, like many other individuals ran across Bourdain through his book Kitchen Confidential. The book, about one man's experiences in the kitchen was absolutely revelatory. While the book was a fantastic read, the man himself was a bit harder to understand. I didn't really follow too much of his career, other than being aware of his No Reservations and Parts Unknown TV series. I watched the occasional ep of both. Bourdain sort of struck me back then as kind of a reverse snob at times, championing the local street vendor over more established restaurants along with highlighting food that would seem anathema to Western audiences. I was, however, impressed at some of the remoter places he managed to go that would create fear in the less hardy travelers, but always focused on the more common man on the street.

Not too long ago, I was watching the first episode of his Parts Unknown, in which he traveled to Myanmar (Burma), a pretty restricted place, then as well as now. Nearly everyone he spoke to there had been jailed by the government, essentially just because they could do so. While food was clearly a focus, Bourdain also was more of a humanitarian than I had remembered, as in the end of the episode he commented about his own privilege in being able to leave the country and not face any consequences for filming there, unlike possibly the people he spoke to. Then as well as now, he always seemed to be profoundly affected by his travel experiences. He seemed to be able to make his home anywhere, but also gave the impression of being rootless. While his suicide shocked me, part of me wonders if his life and career affected his mindset more than I thought, I really wish he was still here so we could ask.

Dear Tony,

Sorry for the familiarity of that opening. Celebrity deaths don't often hit me like a gut punch. I may have admired a famous person's good works, but, for understandable reasons, we often don't know that much about the inner lives of various politicians, creators, and makers. You were different because the nature of your TV shows was, in its way, very personal, and losing you felt like losing a friend. One who made us laugh, but who also challenged us to be better and more open-minded people. Thank you.

Though I would love to travel the world, an old injury makes traveling long distances via airplane painful, and also, I'm a woman. Let's be frank here, as a straight cis-man, you had a freedom of movement and levels of safety that no woman (or queer person) in a similar location would ever experience. (I'm thinking most especially of the Libya and Iran and the Ukraine episodes.) As pale and hollow as living vicariously is, because of you, millions of us got to see something of places we cannot go, understand more about life in those parts of the world, and even connect to our heritage. (I'm "Volga German" and my family came from just outside of Odessa.) Thank you.

Thank you for your low tolerance for bullshit and using your influence to take a stand against sexual harassment, speak out against injustices, and shed light on past history. The No Reservations episode where you visited Laos and had dinner in the home of a family whose lives were shattered by unexploded US ordnance gets me every time. In the case of sexual harassment, yes, your support of Asia Argento when she came out against Harvey Weinstein is best known. But, real character is what you do when no one's watching, and it was beautiful to see all the tales come out of how you had bawled out bullies, stood up for a waitress who was being harassed by a busboy, made dinner for a flight crew, or were kind and thoughtful just because it's the right thing to do.

You loved and got my favorite band, the Queens of the Stone Age, and their appearance on the No Reservations Holiday Special is always funny, and even more so because the relationship between the two of you started with a joke about you and Josh Homme both being related to Bobby Flay. Josh Homme's humor is on a wavelength that a lot of people don't get, but you so clearly did. It was like seeing chocolate meet peanut butter.

Finally, I took up gardening in part because you (and Andrew Zimmern) made me curious to try fruits and vegetables like burdock root, salsify, and chichiquelite or old rare varieties of common fruit and vegetables that you just don't find in most supermarkets. While it's been frustrating at times, the journey has been immensely rewarding, and I'm not just talking about the pleasure of eating what I've grown or sharing it with friends. Thank you.

I'm just sorry that for all the things in life that you did have, for all the love you got and gave, and for all the ways in which you made people's lives richer, you didn't have inner peace.

Your memory is a blessing. Your good works will endure.