Online Invitation Etiquette

By Terry Drosdak
April 1, 2007

When was the last time you received an invitation by mail? It may have been the last time that someone you know got married. With the advent of online invitation sites such as eVite, it’s no longer necessary to phone all your friends to invite them to a small soiree, or painstakingly address envelopes for invites for a bigger bash.

In the advanced digital age, however, there are still rules of etiquette, albeit greatly relaxed ones. For those who are politeness impaired, here are some basic guidelines that will keep your friends from wanting to stab you with a fancy toothpick, or worse, a fondue fork.

Etiquette For Responding to an Evite

Rule Number One: Actually READ the evite!

If you have not actually planned a party, you may be surprised how many people neglect to even open their online invitation. If someone has taken the massive amount of effort required to find your email address and add it to his or her address book, the least you can do is double-click the link in your email.

Once you have opened the invitation, please read it in its entirety. Note the time, date, and location, along with other details, such as if a meal will be served. See if you are required to bring anything, such as a beverage or a potluck dish.

Rule Number Two: Answer the Evite!

There are three options when answering an evite. Answer “Yes” if you plan on being there. Answer “No” if you are not planning on being there. Answer “Maybe” if you’re not sure. Surely, one of these options should suffice, and most sites will let you change it if necessary. You don’t have to answer immediately upon receiving the invite, but please answer as soon as you can. The host or hostess needs to plan to have enough seating, food and beverages to accommodate their guests, and the sooner they know who is coming, the more accurate their preparations can be.

If you do not wish to open or answer your online invitation for any reason, such as not wishing to sign up for an account, lack of technical savvy, or unexpectedly losing access to the internet (the horror!), then please call or email your host directly to let them know your answer, again, in a timely manner. Should they be anal enough to require an accurate online count (like me), their user tools should allow them to enter in your response manually.

Rule Number Three: If both you and your significant other are invited to the same event separately, please check with them before you answer “plus one”.

This is both a matter of courtesy to your partner, and to the person who sent you the evite. Do not automatically answer for your sweetie, as that may annoy them. If you do answer “plus one”, please indicate that you are responding for your significant other as well. To just answer “plus one” with no note could indicate that you are bringing a guest OTHER than your mate. For example, both Suzy and Sam, a couple, are invited to Joan’s party. Sam answers “plus one”, with no note, and Suzy does not respond at all. Joan is left wondering if Sam is bringing Suzy, or instead, his brother Bob, or his brother Bob in addition to Suzy, who has simply forgotten to respond to the evite.

Etiquette for Composing an Evite

Lest you think that all my ire is directed towards those who respond to evites, please know that I also feel exasperation towards some evite composers. Most problems can be solved, however, by providing accurate information to your guests. Below are some tips on writing an evite, which will hopefully get you a better response rate (although if it does not, I would suggest sending them the above portion of this diatribe).

Tip # 1: Include all the basic information.

This chiefly consists of, but is not limited to:
· The reason for the get-together, and if the event is a surprise
· The time and date
· The location (including a map if possible)
· A phone number (or numbers) where they can reach you, especially the day of the party
· Anything you wish your guests to bring, for example, if your party is pot-luck or BYOB
· Any cover charge, entrance fees or parking expenses that an attendee must pay
· Any web links pertaining to the event

Tip #2: Be clear on the food situation.

You may think that it is common sense that a party starting at 8 pm will only serve snacks. However, if you aren’t explicit in the evite, you may end up with a few guests expecting a full meal. In this specific case, a line such as “Light hors d’oeuvres and beverages will be provided” should clear up any confusion. If the occasion is one where the invitee is expected to pay for there own food, such as a dinner out, or splitting the cost of delivery or takeout, please note the approximate cost so that the invitee can be prepared.

Tip #3: Mention the dress code.

Specific occasions require specific dress. If you’re having a pool party, make sure to mention that guests should bring swimsuits. If you’re having a Halloween party, mention that your guests should come in costume. If you are meeting at a club or restaurant with a specific dress code, be sure to mention it in the evite.

Likewise, if you’re having a small get-together in your home, there is nothing wrong with requesting a certain level of dress. You might think that inviting someone to a cocktail party would indicate that they should dress to impress. Without specific direction, however, you could end up with guests dressed in jeans and sweatshirts. Conversely, if you’re having a get-together to watch football, mentioning that jerseys and cheese-heads are appropriate attire should discourage anyone from showing up in a skirt and heels. Alerting your guest to any specific dress requirements ahead of time should allow them to feel comfortable and at ease once they arrive at your door.

Tip #4: Don’t include TOO MUCH information.

Hopefully after you have typed up all the above information, with paragraph breaks where appropriate, there shouldn’t be too much left to say. Keep your evite as concise as possible. You may want to add a few lines at the end to indicate how much you would like the invitee to attend.

Hopefully these guidelines will make for a more pleasant party experience for both hosts and attendees! At the very least, they should keep you from having to dig out your copy of Emily Post.

evite — Online invitation site